Sometimes I don’t want to journal either
Querida Amiga,
You know I love a journal prompt. I collect them for myself and offer them to friends and clients often. Sometimes when I offer a prompt or two, I can see the hesitation in the receiver’s face. It’s often easier to talk to another person than to sit alone and process thoughts and feelings.
At the end of coaching sessions I offer loving accountability for a commitment a client is feeling called to make. Sometimes a client verbally commits to some alone time to journal and then returns two weeks later to tell me they didn’t find the time and they begin to apologize profusely for not following through. I offer that they should give themselves grace for not being ready to sit with what they are anticipating will be an uncomfortable experience.
I had a moment recently when I was the client with the hesitation to journal.
Online courses and coaching are a regular part of my personal growth practice. Just because I create content and hold space for others doesn’t mean I don’t need that for myself too. I am currently working through an online course by Dr. Diane, a therapist who specializes in attachment theory.
After listening to some videos in a segment of the course and diligently taking notes, it was time to move to the time with myself to journal about how the theories she shared show up in my life. My first reaction was, “I don’t need to do that. I got what she was saying and can apply it to my life later.” Though that was my initial response, I couldn’t bring myself to close my notebook or my laptop. I knew I needed the journaling.
Even though I knew it was what I needed to continue my learning and unearthing, there was a physical hesitation to jump in. Sitting for a few moments, I realized that I was not willing to sit with the unearthing because it felt futile.
Though I was taking the course and diligently taking notes, I was struggling to believe that the growth work I was doing would lead to my heart’s desire. That doubt was enough to supersede my internal longing to untangle societal expectations, my past, and how I show up in the world today.
Realizing that was my motivation not to journal turned to motivation that I had to journal to work towards hope. If I can’t even get to hope, there is no way I can manifest my desire.
I wrote the journal prompt at the top of the page and began to scribble away. Sure enough the untangling began. A-ha moments were sparking between childhood memories and future visioning. The root of my desires became super clear and my motivations for healing in this part of my life were evident.
That journaling session didn’t reveal everything and fully heal what still needs tender care. There was some untangling and clarity that rose to the surface. That moves me closer to the vision of my future self that I seek to embody. Every time I can see it a little more, I have more guidance on how to move forward toward what is meant for me.
Don’t fear the journal prompt. If there is a pause or physical reaction to not engage with deep questions, ask yourself why. Maybe it is a question that is not truly meant for you and where you are in your life right now. Maybe the pause is because you know deep down that is where you need to go and what will surface can feel scary.
Think about what you need to be able to take the pause and process. If it is available to you at that moment, go for it. If you need more time to prepare for the pause, make a commitment to yourself for what you will do to help yourself to get there. Setting up an opportunity to debrief with a trusted friend, coach, or therapist could also make the journaling feel safer.
Whenever and however you choose to sift through who you were, who you are, and who you seek to become, the answers we seek are in the reflection time that we gift ourselves.
Quiero saber de ti. What question(s) have you been avoiding sitting with? What conditions do you need to pause and sit with that question(s)?
Un Abrazo,
Michelle
