Stuck
Querida Amiga,
The last couple of days have been rough. For most of them, I was on the verge of tears.
Initially I chalked it up to exhaustion from the travel home after my vacation in Mexico (I’ll just say the trek home was A LOT).
However, the pressure that kept lingering in my chest signaled something else was trying to bubble up from inside. Everything was leaving me with welled up eyes and tension in my body. When I finally sat still in silence and let the dam break, what immediately came to me was, “I feel stuck.”
One of my strengths is future visioning. I can dream of what is possible 5, 10, 20 years from now with ease. Coupled with my value of adventure, I will build a life around the unknown to allow myself the space needed to reach a vision.
There are visions sitting in front of me right now that I want so badly to pursue and for various reasons, I can’t move right now.
When the desire to start making movidas first hit me, I talked myself through being patient and letting the universe move the pieces when the time was right. I was in a good place, releasing expectations and trusting all would proceed as it should (likely better than I was even visioning).
Months later I am antsy and anxious. My patience is wearing thin and I want so badly to MOVE!
I find myself scouring the internet in the wee hours trying to figure out what I can do to make my desires appear faster. Anything that feels like it’s getting in my way is immediately pushed aside or cut out. All of the energy expelled to do things my way...is not working.
The patience and trust I had in the process has now significantly diminished. I sensed it leaving and did not pause to explore it. Instead I chose to power through and make the best of the current situation, until I get what I want.
The thing is we can’t power through disappointment, frustration, and resentment for very long. It will always catch up with us. For me, it finally broke through with a deep cry I have not experienced in some time. It left me physically exhausted. I fell asleep right after.
I am not going to say I woke up and all was right with the world. I woke up feeling hungover. Not from alcohol, rather from an excess of emotional build up that I have been stuffing down for months. I drank water, meditated, took it easy, and talked to close friends.
In the silence, I still heard, “It is not time yet.” Honestly, I am still not okay with that response...and I also know I will eventually get there.
Deep down I trust what is meant for me is coming and it will be more than I am able to see right now. Sometimes trusting our purpose path is a daily decision. Hell, right now for me it feels like a minute to minute decision. Today I made the decision every minute. Tomorrow I don’t know how I will feel.
These are the moments when our mindset work, personal belief systems, and support networks are the most crucial. Leaning into all of them assists with returning to trusting the journey to our purpose path. Ease will return again.
As you move along on your journey to purpose, I am wishing you ease and the resources you need to support you when you may wander off. May we be a part of each other’s support to reach our full purpose potential.
Quiero saber de ti. What feelings are you bottling up inside, because the universe is saying to you, “Not right now?” What do you need to do to trust your purpose path again?
Un Abrazo,
Michelle
