Losing attachment
Querida Amiga,
I don’t have a regular schedule for meeting with my therapist. It is more of a general sense that I have some internal processing to do that sends me to his scheduling link, roughly once a month. Life has moved quickly since the start of the year and I connected with him recently after almost two months without a session. I had so many burning topics to process from recent life happenings.
After dropping a wide variety of topics on him that we probed and analyzed together, there was a clear theme that emerged for what I need to focus on to bring peace into my life right now. I need to be present in the moment, while unattached to the outcome of the time.
To be honest and vulnerable with you, one of the specific areas where I need to release expectations is in romantic relationships. 9 times out of 10 during texts, calls, and dates, I am already assessing if they are like someone from my past or if they fit my assumption of who I will need in my life in the future. Though this may seem harmless, what is truly happening is an attempt to predict in order to plan in the hopes of being able to control outcomes.
When control is feeding a motivation, fear is often the root where control sprang from. Fear in itself is not a bad thing for us to simply reject. When we sense that fear is the root leading to our actions and concerns, we need to get curious about it. Where did it come from? What does this fear have to tell us about ourselves? What does the fear seek to protect?
Sitting with our emotions, in this case fear, allows us to focus on who we are and what we are experiencing in the moment. That is where rich personal growth can occur, not in the mental space of assuming 10 different outcomes based on emotion and not reality.
The fear I need to continue exploring, in regards to romantic relationships, is that I am too much and the men I date are not enough. That energy is bringing to casual encounters fear that a continuous cycle of disappointment awaits me. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Trust this topic will be on the agenda with my therapist a while longer.
As I open myself up to enjoying the present moment, with no attachment to the past or future, there is a possibility to sit and engage with my fear in a healthy way that will reveal more of myself to me.
Removing the distraction of past and future to what is in front of us can truly allow us to begin to know and see ourselves. Feeling seen is an important part of the journey to be connected to our true self. It helps us to open up a little more to surrendering to ourselves and accepting who we are.
Accepting who we are, removes the need to be anything else. Accepting that I am not for everyone, removes the need to overanalyze time spent with another human being. I am whole and beautifully made. They are whole and beautifully made. We had the gift of time together. Regardless of whether I see this person again, an opportunity was created for me to learn more about myself through interaction with another.
When I am left with confusion and frustration, it likely stems from wanting to control variables and select the outcome I want. When we accept life is a series of events for us to experience, have curiosity about, learn from, and potentially grow from, we are open to living in the moment and listening to what it has to offer us.
Once we have received the message or lesson of the moment, we release it. We move forward with our lives grateful for what was and hopeful for the next lesson to come that will teach us another layer of who we are.
I am not fully there yet. This journey of releasing expectations and living in the moment is taking time for me. I am committed to the journey and thankfully have people in my life who remind me when the moment needs to be savored.
God bless my therapist. I know his calendar has space always waiting for me when expectations and control get the best of me and I need a reset.
Quiero saber de ti. What expectations can you release this week to savor being in the moment?
Un Abrazo,
Michelle
P.S. Registration for the next cohort of The Chingona’s Sabbatical is open! This 10-week group coaching program is dedicated time and space for us to reconnect with our passions, gain clarity of purpose, and move forward in our lives with intention. The beautiful part is that this all happens in a community of Latinas on a similar journey of healing and liberation.
The information page for The Chingona’s Sabbatical is now live on my website! All of the details for the next group can be found there. If you are interested in joining the next group, you can sign up here for a call with me. Let’s see if this group coaching program for Latinas is the community space where you will grow into your purpose-driven life.
