How can Black and Brown communities support and comfort one another right now?

Querida Amiga,

I am raw. Raw eyes from crying. Raw energy from exhaustion. Raw emotions colliding in my body. I am raw from internal and external struggles from systemic oppression. 

These struggles are ever-present and were elevated to new heights the past few days with the shooting of Jacob Blake and the continued sacrificial labor of farm workers amidst the California wildfires. My struggle came from grappling with how to continue advocating for the end of anti-Blackness while also elevating an oppression that impacts other people of color.

I’ve been reflecting and processing alone and in community. Here is where I am today.

Let’s first dig into internal struggle.

I bottle shit up and power through. As a Latina leader, I work harder, say what no one else will say,  engage deeply with the communities I serve, create space for people to show up as themselves, and always hold myself to a bar of excellence. When it becomes overwhelming I rarely ask for what I need, which is for people to also hold space for me. When I don’t articulate my needs they are rarely met, and I slowly start to shut down in response to my mental, emotional, and physical needs. 

Thankfully over the past 5 years, I have learned to gauge when that is happening. My dedication to mindfulness, reading, reflection, and coaching has provided a variety of strategies I can lean on when I notice this is happening. These days I am less likely to shut down; however, a week of oppressive chaos ensues and new awareness of internal struggle became evident.

In reflection, I am now able to see how I created a binary in my mind and silenced myself this past week. I limited my engagement in conversations around police brutality and the pain of the Black community because I felt there was no room to also discuss exploited labor. My concern of overshadowing the important conversation around Black liberation means that I did not give space to also grapple with how to end labor exploitation, which impacts us all. 

I am not saying that we should enter conversations of Black liberation with a mindset of “me too.” However, the spaces I was in were with people who I am in relationship with. It would not have come out of left field to engage in an exchange of mutual rage, sadness, and hope. I limited myself for fear of what could happen rather than expand in the conversation to what was possible for us together.

If I released the idea of right and wrong ways of engaging, what new reality would emerge? How much more committed would we be to one another’s struggle? Who benefits when we silence what is real and true for us as Black and Brown people? Short answer: oppressive systems.

Considerations for Internal Struggle

• Do not process deep emotions alone. Isolation and silence is a response to oppression. When we are liberated and living as our full selves, we know where we can go to ground, gather, and grow. Seek friends, family, a coach (or like me all of the above) to hold space as you release emotion and talk out all that you are holding inside until you can come to a place of calm and resolution.

• Don’t walk away because it is hard. Sitting with our rage, sadness, numbness, etc. can be painful. I find it easier at times to push it aside and go on as if I am unfazed. Though that may be the appearance outwardly, on the inside those emotions are still alive and the pressure builds as they are continuously pushed aside and not given air to breathe and release. The sooner we acknowledge what is alive within us and find the time and space to wrestle with it, the sooner we can release what is not serving us and focus on that which will be our fuel to move forward. 

Now let’s dig into external struggle. 

I will name what I consider the obvious, there are systems of oppression deeply rooted in the history of our country. Those roots continue to grow deep into the soil and are nourished with the blood, sweat, and tears of the oppressed. The branches that grow from this large wide trunk are the splintered experiences of its people. We are spread far and wide from one another. What we all have in common is an ancient system of rings that grow and spread to stretch us farther apart with compounded injustices of repression and abuse. 

If the branches broke off and came together in a pile to burn that tree down to the root, what new life would grow from the ash and fertilizer that remains?

Circling back to external struggle for this conversation, I am getting more nuanced than that. I do not question whether an external struggle is alive and impeding on our lives. The nuance I am sitting with is the added layer we are adding to the struggle and how it can increase division. 

Learning, processing, and living out a life dedicated to social justice is a lifelong process. No one has reached a point where they no longer contribute to the marginalization of others. It is the air we breathe, therefore it lives within all of us. Though some are farther along in the process of shedding those layers from their being, we are all a work in progress. 

Woke culture is becoming a weapon in itself to silence and suppress solidarity in the fight for liberation. Call-out culture has left many fearful of when to ask questions, elevate concerns, and share thoughts and emotions for fear that the response will be that they are the problem. 

There is definitely a need to be in conscious relationship with those you share and process with. We should not prioritize sharing our personal needs and desires over listening and learning from others. I believe there is a sweet spot for being able to engage in dialogue that acknowledges and seeks to end injustice for multiple groups of marginalized people. 

This past week, my concern that people would not be able to hold a conversation about multiple injustices at once, silenced what is near and dear to my heart. Some of you have shared that you are grappling with this as well and chosen to stay quiet when conversations arise at work or among family and friends. When we prioritize silence over an exchange of ideas and experiences, we exacerbate the silence that systemic oppression has already created. Conversations that can lead to connection, expansion, and change stop when they are needed the most. 

My coach (the phenomenal Belma Gonzalez) asked me an important question in our session. If a close friend and I both had a death in our families on the same day, how would we comfort one another? Right now the Black community is grieving and enraged. At the same time, parts of the Brown community are grieving and enraged. How do we support and comfort one another? If we come to a holistic response to that question, we would be unstoppable in dismantling the status quo and rebuilding a country that serves us in our life’s purpose to thrive.

Considerations for External Struggle

• Always seek to build conscious relationships across racial and ethnic identities. If you do not have relationships with people who have identities different than yours, I would invite you to get curious about how that has come to be. Being in relationship with others who are different from us helps to expand our view of the world and what justice can be. 

  To be clear, I am not saying to go out and look for Black friends today. Also, don’t wait until the house is on fire to invite someone to sit down for a cup of tea. In your curiosity about how your friend circles have emerged, think of where you may have stopped connection and how you would provide space for it in the future. 

• Balance listening and speaking. Keep it reciprocal. Don’t expect a person you are not in relationship with to listen to your journey to be a part of the resistance. A few weeks back I shared some considerations for building conscious relationships. There are conversations to be had about who you are for one another and boundaries set for what feels right in the relationship. 

• Don’t walk away because it is hard. We may say something that hurts another person or stumble through our words to express what is coming up. It can be awkward and we will have to apologize a lot. Stay in the discomfort and keep looking for opportunities for solidarity. When we are divided as Black and Brown folks, systems of oppression become more entrenched. When we are in solidarity against the systems that oppress us all, we can dream and build a new way of being.

Quiero saber de ti. What have you been holding that needs to be spoken this week? How can Black and Brown communities support and comfort one another right now?

Un abrazo,

Michelle

P.S. I have been getting emails and DMs asking when we are going to have another virtual gathering. Block your calendar for this Saturday, September 5th from 10-11 am for a Thriving Chingonas virtual gathering. Just like we did last time, I will open up the space to whatever you need and follow your needs to provide meditation, movement, visualization, or a combination. Shoot me an email if you plan to attend and I will send you the login information.