Relationship Building with a New Supervisor
I am a certified trauma-informed leadership coach, supporting leaders of color with finding value in their strengths, growing their confidence, building a clear vision for their life and leadership, and also sustaining their leadership for as long as they choose.
This week in coaching, I’ve got a couple of folks who are building relationships with new supervisors, and we've been processing in our calls how they want to build intentional relationships with them.
Oftentimes, when you have a new supervisor, folks often sit back waiting, thnking, “They're gonna let me know what they think we should be doing, they're gonna let me know what they think this should look like.” My push to you would be that you should have a 50/50 relationship with your supervisor, and you should have just as much say-so and build just as much of that relationship as them.
I understand that that's not something that might feel safe from the beginning.
The first thing I'll ask folks is, “What do you need from this person to be able to trust them?” When you have had a successful relationship with a supervisor in the past, what happened between the two of you that made it something that felt safe and trustworthy?
I'll also add that this isn't just for folks who get a new supervisor. If you are a new supervisor, you should be thinking of these things as well. What do you need to feel safe in that relationship? Maybe you've had positive experiences in the past, or maybe on the flip side, you've not had some great relationships with supervisors, and you now know what you need that could have been different to help you build that relationship.
So what do you need to build trust and how do you want to communicate that to the person? Maybe trust starts to build over time because they follow through with the commitments that they make to you. Maybe there are some confidential things that you discuss, and you ask them not to repeat it, and they don't.
Secondly, where are your values aligned? A lot of times, part of where you're able to bond and build intentional relationships with people is through the things that you're both trying to do. When you think about why you're a leader, and what you're trying to do in the world, what are your values? What is your purpose? What is your mission in the work? Is there a possibility for you all to find alignment?
Maybe both of you are very dedicated to social justice, so the two of you are going to support one another in social justice initiatives being brought forward. Maybe the two of you align on shared leadership, in wanting to make sure that the whole team is going to be involved in the work that you all do.
Think about what matters to you the most in the work that you're doing, and ask them a lot of questions. When you're building a new relationship with someone, asking lots of questions will help you to know where you link up so that we you support each other to move those initiatives forward.
Also, building respect for each other, and not just showing up and saying, “You tell me what you want from me.” It goes back to how I always say we need to value our strengths. What can you name up front are your experiences and successes that you want them to know, because that will also build respect for what you can do together.
And on the flip side, when you're a supervisor, how can you take the time to get to know people you're working with, so that you can honor the experience that they bring and the successes they've had?
I would also say, how do you want to establish an open dialogue together? Because you don’t just figure out what it looks like to respect each other, trust each other, and move some initiatives forward in the very beginning. As you both evolve your roles, things may change in the work that you're doing for your organization, and there likely could become tension or things that shift. Maybe you're working in the office, now everything's remote. Maybe you had three people on your team in the beginning, and now there are 10 people.
Make sure that you both establish together what open dialogue looks like. How will you regularly check in with each other to ensure that you are expressing your needs, what's working, and what's not, so that you can make sure both of your needs are being met in your time together?
Also, let them know your wants. What are the goals that you want to make sure you're being very open and sharing with your supervisor, so they know how to support you.
In all of this, I want you to know that you as a leader get to have a say in how you show up in your work environment, what your relationships look like with your colleagues, and that's not something you only get to do if you're managing a team.
When you start working with a new supervisor, do some deep reflection for yourself first, do a little bit of homework, get to know who this person is, and what they're about. So when you start those conversations together, you're getting clear on who they are and what they're hoping to do in the organization.
This is not just one meeting—this is a progression of conversations. How do you start building into these conversations and this relationship over time? What do you need in this relationship to make sure that you’re constantly in dialogue and able to express what you need from each other?
Come in ready, know what you're asking for, and over time, you can build a very intentional relationship with the supervisor. And on the flip side, ask a lot of questions and make sure that you're showing up for them in the same way that you want them to show up for you.
If you have any questions about how you want to approach this going into a meeting or a conversation with a supervisor, you are always welcome to drop me a message. Let me know what you're thinking and what questions you have—I am happy to answer them.
If you are also looking for a much deeper, intentional relationship, where you get to do this back and forth on a regular basis with me, I am open for coaching clients. Click here to sign up for a discovery call.
On that discovery call, we get to know each other and what it is you are seeking in coaching or your leadership right now, and what your goals for the next 6 months are. I don't pressure you—I trust you to trust your intuition to know if it's a yes or no.
We need more Latina leaders sustaining in this work and being able to fully show up as themselves, and not sitting back and waiting for other people to tell them how to show up in the work.
Let's help you intentionally build a relationship with your supervisor. And if you are a supervisor, how to intentionally build relationships with your team and one-on-one folks that you supervise. Let's help you to reflect, get clear on what you want and need, and be very intentional about carrying it out. I'm here to support you.
