Being a good friend
Querida Amiga,
How do you define friendship?
I’ve been sharing for weeks about the season of transformation that I am in. In seasons of deep reflection and eventual action, we begin to identify not only what we are ready to expand but also what we are ready to shed.
A couple of people I know who are also in seasons of growth and transformation have focused on shedding people who are no longer in alignment with who they are becoming.
As I have witnessed their journey and sat with my own, the question of what warrants shedding of a friendship has sat with me a lot. It feels uncomfortable to name that a person no longer is a fit for my life. However, I lean on the knowledge and experience that when we release we open a space to receive more of what we need.
Coupled with the question of whether someone is a friend who will continue to be a part of the new journey forward, is the question of whether I am a friend who supports others to live out the life meant for them. The second question is the one I am sitting with most these days.
I feel good about the boundaries I have set in my life and trust my intuition about when someone is a friend who is cheering on my growth or impeding it. Knowing when a friendship needs to wind down and find closure (temporary or permanent) is not where my spirit wants to sit right now. Reflection on who I am to my friends feels necessary to make sure I am supporting their journey as much as they show up for mine.
My current thoughts on who I seek to be as a friend includes:
I seek to deeply see all of who they are
I seek to be a cheerleader and supporter of their dreams and growth
I seek to be trustworthy with what they share with me about their lives
I seek to understand how they need me to show up for them in times of struggle and joy
I seek to be a mirror to them about how they show up in the world
I seek to be true to my word and show up in the ways I commit to
I seek to hold space that allows vulnerability and honesty about how they are doing
I seek to offer ease and joy to their life to balance, and not add to, the stresses of life
The more I sit with this, I am sure some of the language will shift. Right now these are rising to the top as the core tenets of what friendship means to me. It feels possible to show up as this kind of friend to others on a regular basis. However, realistically, there will be times when I am leaning into some more than others. This can be a guide to remind myself from time to time how I can show up better for my friends.
Though I acknowledge that all relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, I want those shifts to come from natural growth and not from a lack of care on my part. Friendship is just as much what I give as it is what I receive. We are all seeking friendship in our lives. Just as important as naming what we need in those relationships, is naming who we will be to foster and grow those friendships for as long as possible.
We all deserve a network of close friends who are part of our life journey. My hope for us is that we see ourselves clearly enough to know what we need and what we have to offer others. Let us be brave enough to show up in the ways we can so others have a guide for how to show up for us.
Quiero saber de ti. What relationships do you need to shed in this season of your life? What relationships do you need to attract in this season of your life? What kind of friend do you aspire to be in this season of your life?
Un Abrazo,
Michelle
P.S. The Healing with Ancestors workshop is back and this year it is FREE! It has been a long time since we have had a larger virtual gathering as a Thriving Chingona Community. Please join me on Saturday, October 23rd from 9-11 am PT.
In this workshop, we will...
*Be in community as Latinas who are leaning into connecting with their ancestors
*Identify which ancestors are important to our exploration of self
*Explore the various ways that connecting to ancestors can teach us more about what we no longer need to carry and the parts of ourselves that are ready to expand
*Learn multiple ways to connect with ancestors and honor their presence beyond the workshop
