Self-Care During Stressful Times
Today, we're going to talk about self-care during stressful times. There are a lot of folks who've been checking off social media, myself included, just because there's so much happening with the news. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of productive conversation on social media when it comes to big international political things that are happening.
But separate from that, as leaders, there's the stressful stuff that regularly happens day-to-day for you. I'm thinking of one client in particular last week whom I was spending time with who is the executive director of a nonprofit, and they are managing a very big transition in their organization that was unexpected. They've been meeting with a lot of staff, and they were sharing with me all this work that they've been doing to support their people. The whole time they were talking, I was thinking to myself: I am so grateful that this person knew to invest in themselves to have a coach so that they would have a space to be able to process in the same way that they hold this space for their staff.
So let's talk about what that looks like today. As a leader, you have your regular life, and you're likely holding things from relationships, family, your children… whatever else might be going on. Then you show up in your workspace, and as a leader, you're holding space for your people, whether that is the staff that you work with or the people that you serve.
Oftentimes, you are listening deeply, trying to come up with solutions, checking in on people. That's what makes you a great leader—but that means you don't leave the time and space to be able to do that for yourself.
When a coaching container, I tell my clients: if you really want to break down and cry, and you haven't been able to do that, bring it to me. If you just need to rattle off all the thoughts in your mind so we can start to make some sense of it, bring it to me. I hold the container for you to be able to do all of that.
But outside of that container, there are other ways that you can slow down and take care of yourself to make sure that you are not giving more than you are receiving. You have to be able to replenish to be able to continue serving.
A couple of things I would mention to be thoughtful about this week moving forward is, first of all, self-awareness.
How are you doing? Can you take one minute between meetings, to take some deep breaths, close your eyes, and ask, “What's going on in my body?” Maybe you notice a little stiffness in the shoulders. Maybe there's some feelings swirling around that you start to notice. Maybe some words come to mind. But we don't slow down enough to even know, how was I just impacted by the last few hours?
One minute between meetings to take some deep breaths, turn inward and just notice what comes up. It doesn't mean you have to fully process it all, just acknowledge that there's something that's happening, something that's come up for you, by holding space, and just doing the things that you do on a day to day, you can jot them down and then circle back later to fully process with someone later.
So some deep breaths, a body scan, and taking a moment to notice what's coming up for you. If you have more time, maybe 10 minutes between calls or meetings, you might have some space to go deeper and not only notice feelings hanging out here, but is there one in particular that you can ask, “What are you doing for me today? How are you taking care of me? How are you protecting me? How are you showing up for me today?”
So slow down, take a moment to notice what's happening internally, and if you have some space, maybe you actually processed and engaged with it a bit in that moment, or just jot it down and you can circle back to it later.
Then, I want you to think about how you can set some boundaries this week.
Think about what boundaries you want to set, whether it be with social media. Maybe you need to block out some space on your calendar. Maybe there's certain people you don't have capacity to hold space for or engage with this week, because you need to protect your energy for other things.
Where can you set boundaries to protect yourself to make sure that you have space to reset and rebuild your storage before you go out and then continue to serve other folks. I would also say to think about how you want to take care of yourself physically, are you going to have water set out on your desk every day, maybe you're gonna throw some electrolytes in there, eat some kale salads this week, focus on putting some movement in there.
This week is one of those weeks for me—I'm in three cities and I've got a lot going on. Yesterday, I made sure I went to yoga to move my body to get ready for the week ahead. I've packed some healthy snacks for my plane this afternoon, and I know that it'll do me well to have a salad and a water bottle ready to go.
What do you need to do for your body to just be able to wake up and serve every day? What food, what water, what movement… think about how you want to take care of your physical capacity to be able to then be available emotionally and mentally as well.
The last thing I'd say is to be upfront that you're going to need to give yourself a lot of grace this week.
In any period when there's a lot of stress happening, tell yourself: “I'm going to do my best. I'm going to show up for my people as best I can. But if I say the thing I shouldn't have said, I give myself grace, and I can circle back and I can work on repair later.” If you can't answer the emails this week, give yourself grace that people will understand and you will get to those later when you are fully able to engage.
You don't have to be a perfect leader, but just show people that you care deeply. You show up to serve folks when they need you. It doesn't have to be perfect now. So many of us get stuck in perfectionism, and then we choose to give ourselves completely till we burn out. Or we completely shut down because we don't even know where to start or have the capacity to give.
Those are my thoughts for you this week, as a leader, as a person who just in general is in this world that is going through a lot of chaos right now. It starts with you being self-aware first, prioritizing your wellbeing, setting some boundaries, and giving yourself grace.
As I said at the beginning, I work with a lot of leaders who just know upfront, I'm gonna need spaces to be able to process the work that I do. If you are looking for a coaching container that is a safe place for you to confidentially talk about your experiences as a leader, have a place where you can release the emotions, process all the thoughts, and have support with you along the journey—I am here for you.
You do not have to lead alone. Leadership can often be a lonely place where you have to shut off your humanity to be able to show up as a leader. I want you to know that you have a place where you can come to in your full humanity, be authentically yourself, and bring it to me—and we will work through it together so that you are recharged and clear when you go back to your people on what you're focused on and what you want to do to make sure that you stay mission-driven as a leader moving forward.
If you want to chat about coaching, you can sign up for a discovery call. I would love to hold a container for you where you can care for yourself deeply and continue showing up for the work that matters so much to you and your people.
