Building confidence and self-trust as Latina leaders
I was in Mexico City last week at a retreat with my coach, and during that time, I tried to be really good about being out of my inbox. So as I caught up on my emails from the past few weeks, I noticed there was a theme of what's been waiting for me in my inbox.
First off, there were there was an email from a client - a nonprofit leader - who wanted to fill me in on some stuff that has been going on with them. They had gone into an interaction with a funder who they've been pretty hesitant to be very authentic and real with. The client said, “I have grown my confidence enough to be able to show up fully as myself and authentically in this space with this funder.” So their email to me was one of celebration, and of course, I said, “Yay, I'm so happy for you!”
Then I had a couple requests from folks who want to have discovery calls to talk about working with me as their coach. I usually have folks fill out some of the things that they want to work on in coaching so that we can have a productive discovery call to figure out more about them. And there was multiple potential clients who said, “I want to grow my confidence.”
So there's this theme that I noticed in prospective clients who come into the coaching space wanting to increase their confidence, but also the clients that I’m work with, getthing excited when they find themselves being bolder and more authentic in the spaces that they're in, because they've grown their confidence. So what the hell does that even mean?
For me, when folks say that they want to grow their confidence, I really believe it's connected to self-trust. A lot of us, especially as women of color who are leaders, you can go into a lot of spaces who are going to tell you to doubt everything about yourself, what you have to say, how you look, if you know enough, if you're worthy, if you're going to work hard enough… That is all going to impact us over time, so we may not be as confident because we start to lose trust in whether or not we belong in various spaces. We may also start to lose trust that we will be able to take care of ourselves if things don't go the way that we want them to.
Ultimately, we start to shrink, because we think that we're finding more safety and not putting ourselves out there as much. And so the self-trust slowly starts to deteriorate because we don't think that we're going to be able to carry ourselves through whatever happens when we show up fully as ourselves.
I also think that there's a piece of this that's even beyond our work lives: there's just life experience that happens, where maybe you didn't trust yourself, and something didn't go the way you wanted it to. So internally, your self talk says, “Well then, if I couldn't get through that, I'm not going to be able to get through something else.”
When I'm working with clients who come to me saying, “I really want to work on my confidence in the way that I show up in these spaces,” oftentimes, it's really helping them to trust themselves again. Helping them to know, “I've got myself, no matter what happens, and I will figure this out.”
A lot of us have come from upbringings where we had ancestors who had to do a lot of figuring shit out. I often talk about my grandparents. I have my my maternal grandmother who came to the US undocumented, with two children pregnant with my mom, she didn't know what she was walking into. But there was the self-trust there to know she was going to figure it out when she got here. When my dad came from Venezuela to the US, he had a semblance of what was going to happen, but he didn't have a fully drawn out plan. He just knew that he could trust himself, he came with some friends, and he could trust his community to help him figure it out.
So ultimately, what we're trying to do is to tap back into that part of ourselves where we trust that we've got our back, and we're going to be able to figure it out. Let's break this down, using myself as an example, on how I had an “Aha!” moment on my recent trip to Mexico about my own competence.
I am somebody who people tend to view as a confident person because I put myself out there. I'm very authentic in who I am, I rarely shy away from saying what I feel needs to be said or what needs to happen. But I'm realizing that that can also be compartmentalized. There are certain places where we can feel really confident, and then there can be a pocket of our life where that self-trust or competence can be lower.
What I've realized for myself is, there have been parts of this entrepreneur business journey where I’m like - I’ve got it. I feel strong when it comes to speaking, when it comes to leading workshops, and I feel great about coaching my people. But there's other parts of the experience that I'm not feeling as confident in, or I may have less self-trust around. And a lot of that is more around technical stuff, like marketing and things like that.
I've worked with a variety of coaches, but I've had some experiences where it's been very much lockstep: you have to do these things, and if you don't, then your business just isn't going to work. And I found myself trusting myself less in the business space because I may not follow the formula the same way, or I may not always want to follow that formula, because that's not what I trust, and there’s tension there.
I've been working with my current coach, Mariela, for about six months, and I just renewed to work with her for another year. And multiple folks have asked me, “Why do you want to continue working with her and what had you coming back?” What I’ve been telling folks is: she has helped me to trust myself again in ways that I realize now I had been, I've been stepping away.
I want to trust my intuition more than somebody's formula about what's right for my business and for the journey that I'm on with my purpose. I want to be able to know that no matter what happens as I'm navigating this space, that I will be able to have my back to figure it out. Because I always do. And that doesn't change now that I'm in the business space, that I wouldn't be able to figure out how to have my back.
So I've had a lot of coaching conversations with Mariela, and a lot of experiences where I've taken small steps to trust myself more than the formula, expectation, or whatever everybody else says I'm supposed to do. When I have that taste of success, and it works, I've just built a little more self-trust that my way can work better than whatever the books, the podcasts, or other people are telling me.
As I've been on that journey for the past six months, every little bit builds the confidence more. I'm in a place right now where I can say, “I am going to build a business my own way without having to follow formulas, books, and podcasts and all those things.” And it's working! Because ultimately, I have found the confidence to trust myself more than all the external voices that are out there. I can trust myself to figure it out and find a way. I also have permission to change course at any time, because then I'll figure it out again.
That’s what it means to me when folks keep saying, “I want more confidence.” Growing your confidence means, do you want to trust yourself more? To know that no matter what space you work at or move into, you can say the things you need to say, you can show up fully as yourself, and you will still be okay, you will be safe, you will figure it out no matter what happens.
Ultimately, that's what I think people are really asking for when they come to me. When I have clients who are celebrating and saying that they feel more confident and more bold, I really believe they've learned to trust themselves more. I really believe people come to me because they want to do that as well.
That’s what I’m going to ask you to think about this week: When you have moments when you notice that maybe I'm not feeling as confident. I'm holding back, I'm not being my full self. And I'm really questioning myself in these spaces that just keep telling me that I'm not enough to be here. Is it really that you're starting to lose self-trust? Are you starting to doubt that you will be able to figure it out? Are you thinking that maybe all these other people have it figured out more than you do?
I'm going to tell you that they don't. It's really just about you learning how to turn inward, listen to yourself again, trust what you hear, and take small steps to move in the direction that you believe is the right one. When you get there and you have that small taste of success, pause, celebrate, take it in. Then think about what’s the next small step to help you to trust yourself again, to really know that you know what's best for your life and your leadership more than anybody else.
If those people can't see that or accept it, they can't trust it with you, you will ultimately be okay because you will find another place that will.
That is what I think would make us even more powerful leaders - even stronger, bolder, authentic Latinas - is if we didn't have to doubt that we could trust ourselves to know what to do, and trust ourselves to be able to figure it out on the other end, regardless of the outcome.
That's what I do with my clients, and that's the journey that I'm on for myself. If you are interested in working with someone who can help you to find the value in the things that are great about you, your strengths, your genius, to help you to grow your confidence, your self-trust, and have a clearer vision for how you want to move forward in your life in your career, I got you.
I have one-on-one clients that I work with on a regular basis, we meet bi-weekly for six months at a time to really dig in deep to where they want to grow. And I help to lovingly hold them accountable to take small actionable steps to really learn to trust themselves again, to listen to their inner intuition, and know that they are better off listening to themselves and to everybody else. If that sounds enticing to you, book a discovery call here.
I want there to be more leaders of color, more Latinas who are out there trusting themselves, and because of that, show up boldly in the world, are authentic about who we are, and don't shy away from it. Because all of that also attracts the community, the workspaces, and the personal spaces that help us to continue to be ourselves and not have to shrink to fit into what currently exists. You can find spaces and people who will honour you for fully being yourself.
You deserve to fully trust yourself and be fully confident in who you are. And I will be more than happy to be on that journey with you. So let me know if you have any questions about coaching.
